A love story based on a half true story...

Nag-away sila. Gusto niyang umalis na siya at ayaw na niyang magkasama pa sila.

“Hindi ka na magbabago, hindi na kita matru-trust ulit. Umasa lang ako na mapapakita at mapaparamdam mo saking mahal mo ako pero pagod na ako. Ubos na ang pagmamahal ko sayo. Pagod na ako. Mas mabuti pang maghiwalay na lang tayo.”

Pero hindi niya kaya. Nagsisisi siya sa nangyari at gusto niyang iparamdam na ayaw niyang maghiwalay sila.

Unang madaling araw, dumating siya patapos na ang misa. Inabutan na lang niya ang Peace be with you. Pero hindi siya nagawang lingunin o bigyan man lang ng peace nito, di tulad ng dati na hahalik ito sa pisngi with a smile. Humalik na lang siya sa kanyang noo. Pagtapos ng misa, umalis na sya. Pero text siya ng text. Lagi niya sinabi kung asan na sya.. kung ano nangyayari sya kanya. Bawat oras, nangangumusta. Nagsasabi ng magagandang salita.

Sa ikalawang madaling araw, maaga siya. Pagdating sa Ama Namin, hinawakan niya ang kanyang kamay ngunit binitiwan niya ito. Hindi na niya pinilit ngunit bakas ang kalungkutan sa kanyang mukha. Tahimik sya hanggang paghatid.
“Bukas na lang ulit... Mahal kita.”

Sa ikatlong araw, siya pa ang nanggising sa kanya. Pagtapos ng misa, papunta sa kotse, hindi niya ito napagbuksan ng pinto. Pero sa loob ay mayroong bulaklak. Hindi ito pinansin kaya’t nilagay na lang nya sa likuran. Pagdating sa bahay, nag-almusal sila. Pagkaalis, di pa rin pinansin ang bulaklak. Tinuloy lang araw na para bang walang nangyari.. pagdating ng bahay, niligpit ang bulaklak, nilagay sa vase.. binasa ang nakasulat.
“Sorry. Hindi ko gustong mawala ka. Wala akong ibang gusto makasama, maliban sayo. Mahal na mahal kita.”
Nakakangit pero, hindi pa rin ito sapat.

Sa ikaapat na araw, bago dumating sa kanila, nagtanong na siya, “Gusto mo pa ba akong makasama sa pagsimba?”
“Let’s see...” yun lang ang sagot na nakuha niya.
Pero nagpunta pa rin siya.. nagsimba pa rin sila.
Pagkahatid, sabi lang niya, “Sana huwag na tayo mag-away. Mahal na mahal kita.”

Sa ikalimang araw, pinipigilan maglambing, pinipigilang magsabi ng magagandang salita. Tiniiis. Iniisip na, tingnan natin kung makakaya ang siyam na madaling araw na paggising ng ganito. Ngunit, dumating pa rin siya. Just in the nick of time.
Bago siya umalis, nagtanong sya, “Bati na ba tayo?”
Pero wala siyang sagot na nakuha.

Sa ikaanim na araw, pagsakay sa kotse, dalawang take-out food na breakfast ang dala niya, kasamang mainit na tsokolate.
“Breakfast tayo. Pero hindi mo kailangang magluto. Dinalhan kita ng paborito mong take out breakfast. Pinaluto ko ang itlog sa lutong gusto mo, may sabaw.”
Tinago ang ngiti. “Baka malate ka kung kakain pa tayo.”
“Hindi, ok lang malate ako. Ok lang mag-absent o maghalf-day. Ikaw naman ang kasama ko. Sulit naman ang oras ko. Walang katumbas na sweldo ang bawat minutong kasama kita.”
At saka nila pinagsaluhan ang agahan.

Sa ikapitong araw, paghatid pauwi, sabi niya, “Diba, kapag nakumpleto ang siyam na gabi, pwede akong magwish at matutupad ito?”
“Sabi nila, oo. Kapag nakumpleto mo.”
“Alam mo ba kung anong iwiwish ko?”
“Huwag! Wag mo nang sabihin, hindi magkakatotoo ang wish kapag sinabi mo ito sa ibang tao.” Tumahimik na lang sya saka nagpaalam.

Sa ikawalong araw, pauwi, inuubo na siya medyo sinisipon. Bakas sa mga kanyang mukha ang panghihina at nananamlay na ang kanyang mga mata.
“May sakit ka ba? Napupuyat ka ata masyado. Napapagod ka ata at hindi kumakain sa oras.”
“Ok lang ako.” Sabay pasok sa loob ng bahay.

Sa ikasiyam na araw, nagising pero hindi makabangon sa kama. Mabigat ang katawan, masakit ang ulo. Pagtingin nya sa oras, lagpas na! Tapos na ang misa. Nagpanic, ngunit hindi makatayo. Biglang may nalagay ng malamig na bimpo sa kanyang noo.
“Magpahinga ka, wag ka nang tumayo.”
“Pano ang simba? Hindi ko na makukumpleto.”
“May sakit ka, hindi na kaya ng katawan mo. Magpahinga ka na lang.”
“E ikaw? Nakapagsimba ka ba? Nasimulan mo ba? Natapos mo ba? Nakumpleto mo?”
Ngumiti lang siya. “Mas kailangan mong andito ako para alagaan ka. Maiintindihan Niya yon.”
“Pero.. pero.. pano ang wish mo? Ang wish… ”
“Ssshhhhhhhhh…. Ang wish mo? Ang wish ko? Ok lang. Hindi pa tapos ang siyam na araw, natupad na ang wish ko. At alam ko ring natupad na ang wish mo.”
Nakangiti niyang sinabi.
“Pano mo…… ”
“Ssshhhhh… ” nakangiti, hinawakan niya ng dalawang kamay ang kanyang pisngi.
“Mahal na mahal kita. Pagkatapos ng siyam na madaling araw, alam ko na kung ano ang kailangan mo. Alam ko na kung ano ang gagawin ko. Ako na ang bahala.”
Sabay halik sa kanyang mga labi.

Gitna

Sa aming magkakapatid, sya ang pinakamatapang. Umiiyak lang sya kapag sobrang natatawa, pero bukod dito, hindi na. Kahit pa noong araw na nilibing si mommy, hindi sya umiyak. Sa ilang taon niyang nabuhay sa mundo, ako ay saksi dito. Simula pagkabata, sabay pa kami naliligo noon, at terno palagi ang aming damit, pink lang sa kanya at yellow sa akin. Ang tanging paborito ni Chime, kahit isang beses, hindi yata napagalitan ito.

Sa pag-aaral, napakalayo niya sa akin dahil bukod pa sa matalino sya, napakasipag pa niya. Iskolar noong kolehiyo, nauna pa syang matapos sa pag-aaral, nauna pa syang magtrabaho sa akin. Senyoritang kapatid, kahit na mas matanda ako sa kanya. Para bang prinsesa kung mang-utos... pero ayos lang, alam ko namang lambing lang yon.

Ngayon sa trabaho, pinamalas din nya ang kanyang galing at talento. Mataas pa ata ang sweldo nito sa akin. Pero hindi sya madamot dahil hinahatian naman niya kami at binigyan kapag meron sya. At kahit ganon pa man, walang inggit akong nararamdaman. Ako lang ay isang ”proud sister,” proud ate sa kanya.

Nakakatakot galitin itong taong ito. Dahil nanapak talaga. Kaya nga ingat kaming maging kaaway siya. Pero hindi lang siguro dahil nakakatakot siya, pero kasi, kapatid namin sya at mahal namin sya.

Laging kasama sa pagbigay ng sopresa, pero napakahirap gawan ng sorpresa. Kaya’t sa kaarawan niya, ginawa na lang namin ang lahat ng aming makakaya. At mukha namang napasaya nga namin sya.

Happy Birthday Lij!

Videoke

Isang araw na nagtipon tipon.
Isang araw na isinantabi muna ang mga problema at mga alala.
Humawak ng mikropono, kumanta.
Sumayaw.
Tumawa.
May pinsang baklang babae na ka-duet ng ate na BAWAL nang pakantahin. May poging tandem ng magkapatid na kahit na "Magdelana" ay kakantahin. May isa pang poging pinsan na kakanta ng "Bongga ka, Deeday!"

Isang napakalaking achievement dahil napakanta pa namin ni Gio! Ayaw niya ng "The Greatest Love of All", kahit anong pilit ang gawin namin. Salamat sa Eraserheads! Ito lang pala ang solusyon.


Salamat at Happy Birthday, Cho-choy! Welcome to the family, Chawo.





Sa pagtatapos ng araw, Sa pagpatapay ng mikropono. Sa pagkanta ng Closing Time at Give Love on Christmas Day at sa pagbalik sa tunay na buhay,
Ako ay nakangiting haharap sa bagong araw.
Dahil alam kong andidito pa rin kami para sa isa’t isa.
Masaya akong maging parte ng pamilyang ito.
Kahit na ONG na ako, ako pa rin ay isang Marcial,
at proud akong maging Marcial.

After a month...

I wrote:
Dear bubbles,
Miss na kita. Pinanood ko ulit ngayon yung TVJ AVP mo. Kasi baka makalimutan ko how you look like. And I don’t want to forget.. And I miss you terribly. So much, that it’s starting to hurt..
Sorry.

Bubbles wrote:
I'm sorry ... wag mo naman sana ako makalimutan... super lubog lang talaga ako ngayon.... miss you so much too... kung pwede nga lang bumalik ako, honestly gagawin ko eh...

November 15

Alam mo ba kung anong araw ngayon?
Maalala mo kaya?
Maiisip mo kaya?
May gagawin ka kaya?

Mayroon bang kaala-alala ngayon?
Mayroon bang dahilan para ngumiti?
Mayroon bang dapat ikasaya?

Tingan natin.

Bestfriend

Kaibigan.
Kapatid.
Kapamilya.
Soulmate.
Bestfriend.

October 18, 2001

Written two years ago, by my sister and me...

"Ika-apat na taon na. Parang kahapon lang, andyan pa siya. Pipikit lang ako, nakikita ko na ang ngiti niya. Kasabay nito, ang mga mata niyang nakangiti din sayo, kalakip ang buo niyang pagkatao.
Maiisip ko ang iba't ibang uri ng buhok niya, ang mga isinusuot nyang damit na hindi masyado pinag-iisipan. Bagay ito sa kanya. Kahit na walang make up o kulay ng mga kuko niya, maganda sya.
Sasagi sa isip ko ang mga kwentong nakapagpapangiti, minsa’y nakapagpapatawa. Ang pagsuot niya ng magkaibang pares ng sapatos dahil sobrang taranta dahil kasama ang boss nya sa pag-cover ng doctor. Maaalala kong minamaneho niya si Popoy na bulok o si Beige na makalat. Ang maliit na walis at dust pan na pinanglilinis niya ng loob ng kotse. Maiisip ko ang mga notes sa banyo tulad ng "Siguruhing nakasarang mabuti ang gripo." Ang handwriting niyang mahirap intindihin, parang doktor, kahit med rep sya, hindi doktor.
Sa paglaki ko, kasama sya sa bawat parte ng buhay ko. Ang paghatid niya sakin sa unang date ko. Ang lahat ng makukulit na tanong sa mga kaibigan ko. Mga simpleng hirit nya na hindi naman sya talaga nagpapatawa pero nakakatawa.
Ang pagpili ng eskwelahan kong papasukan base sa plate number ng unang sasakyang makita niya- PLM, UPM o DLS. Ang pagsama niya saking mag-enrol, makikipila sa mahahabang enlistment classes. Iiwan ko sya sandali at pagbalik ko, kilala na nya lahat ng katabi niya. Tuwing magpapakita ako ng classcards, makikita ko ang ngiti sa mga pasadong grades. Sa hindi, sasabihin nyang "Ok lang yan, anak, next sem na lang." Oo. Anak. Ansarap sarap marinig pag tinatawag niya akong anak.
Isang beses, nagsimba kami, Mother's day sa St. Paul. May chocolates para sa mga mommy. Ediba, may kasabihan, "Ang nanay, isusubo na lang, ibibigay pa sa anak." Pero siya, ayaw niyang ibigay samin, hindi naman daw kami mommy. Kaya sinubo niya nang buo at hindi kami binigyan. Ok lang. Tsokolate lang naman ang hindi niya binigay. Pero lahat, binigay niya, wala nang natira sa kanya.
"Nag-uumapaw sa pag-ibig. Sayang naman kung matatapon. Sana may sumahod." Yan siguro yung motto nya. Nag-uumapaw sa pag-ibig, pinasahod sa amin lahat!
Isang bawan bago sya mawala sabi ng kapatid ko, "Mi, pwede ka nang magpahinga. Wag ka nang mag-alala samin." sabi niya, "Next month na lang, pagtapos ng finals nyo." At ganun nga. Namatay siya sembreak na. October 18, 2001.
Iniisip ng mga tao kawawa kami dahil maaga kaming nawalan ng mommy. Kapag sinasabi naming wala na kaming mommy, nagsosorry sila. Ang hindi nila alam, mas maswerte pa kami sa maraming ibang anak sa mundo na may mommy pa. Dahil astig mommy namin--buhay man o patay.
Nagrerebelde ang panahon. May nabasa ang kapatid ko, yung mga patay na, napupunta sa oblivion, isang sulok ng utak ng tao na nakakalimutan na. Kahit gaano man natin subukin na alalahanin, hindi tayo makakapiglas dahil sadyang ganoon lang talaga. Pero sa mga nagmamahal sa kanya, pipilitin. Tutal, utak lang naman ang nakakalimot. Ang puso, hindi."

Mga Tanong

Paano mo nagagawang bigyan ng halaga ang mga bagay na ginagawa ko?
Sa pahapyaw na hiling na itimpla ka ng tsaa, o sa pagtikim sa sinigang.
Para bang hindi mo ito magagawa kung wala ako, at wala nang iba pang mas sasarap na sinigang sa buong mundo.

Paano mo napaparamdam sa aking mahal mo ako?
Sa pagbibigay ng vitamin C o pangungulit sa akin. Sa paghawak sa aking kamay at paglalambing. Sa pagpapayong sa akin o paglagay ng baon na candy sa bag ko. Parang hindi mo na kelangang pag-isipan, pero nagagawa mo na lang basta.

Paano mo nababawasan ang galit, kapag napupuno na ako?
Sa pagsabi saking naiintindihan mo ako.
Parang totoong andito ka at dinadamayan ako.

Paano mo naaalis ang sakit kapag ako ay nagsusumamo?
Sa pag-salo ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, sa pag-iyak tuwing umiiyak ako.
Parang sinasalo mo ang sakit at pangungulila ko.

Paano mo nagagawang ilabas ang lahat ng dimples ko sa pagngiti mo sa akin?
Hindi na naman katulad ng dati, hindi na tayo araw araw nagkakasama.
Para bang iniipon mo ito at inilalaan sa araw na magkikita tayo.

Masaya akong nakasama kita. Pero malungkot akong magkakahiwalay na naman tayo.
Sana ay alam mong hindi magbabago ang pagmamahal ko sayo, hanggang tumanda na tayo.

Birthday, birthday what a happy day...

For the girl who taught me that song...
We wish you a happy birthday!

An excerpt

"...Then came you. I didn’t plan for us to happen. The first time na makita kita di naman ako attracted. But the more that I talk to you and the more that I see you, the more na nahulog ang loob ko sayo. Maybe it’s initially because of your dimpled smile. Maybe it’s the way you always smell so fresh. Maybe it’s the way you tell your stories na sobrang chronological at detailed. Maybe it’s because maasikaso ka sa akin and to other people. Maybe it’s because you don’t look down on other people na less fortunate in life. Maybe it’s because you choose your friends not because of their status in life but because of what you see in their hearts. Maybe it’s because you treasure your true friends once you’ve found them. Maybe it’s because you are responsible. Maybe it’s because you radiate independence. Maybe it’s because you value and love your family. Maybe it’s because you show concern for other people and empathize with them. Maybe it’s because you have a good idea of how you want your future to be. Maybe it’s because mas marami kang alam na daan sa akin sa north side of metro manila. Maybe it’s the way you drive. Dati natatakot ako sa yong magdrive dahil pag sinusundan kita kung convoy tayo ay feeling ko ayaw mo talaga magpauna sa akin. Maybe it’s because you are a techie person just like me pero di naman kailangan na pinakahigh-end at pinakabagong model ang kailangan para maging masaya. Maybe it’s the way you show appreciation for even the most simple favors. Maybe it’s your skill in handling finances. Maybe it’s because you are sentimental. Maybe it’s how you make me happy whenever kasama kita. Maybe it’s because I know that with all of the above qualities and more I would be an idiot not to fall in love with you."

Mommy

To the most important woman in my life.
I miss you dearly.
My love for you will never be less.

Dubidoo..

Masaya.
Wala nang iba pang salita.

Masaya.

SEPTEMBER 15, 2007

CBTL: The Day Before

View Album

Get your own

One day before. We needed a meeting for the tasks and they came. The prettiest coordinator that one could ever get. Being her sister is just a bonus. The baby sister and baby brother (belat!) with her lovely bestfriend who will be a special singer. Mommy and daddy to the rescue with all the surprises. My favorite couple and favorite couple's family. Ate and Tita to tag along. Bubbles and Kuting with their betterhalves.

It was a meeting but more came than expected. It felt more than a meeting. These people knew that I needed to be calmed and entertained. These people came and had their share of conversations, smiles and laughters, and more. They made me feel that they are here for me, for us. Always.

Happiness is…

Two kinds of ice cream, tying your skate key, telling the time…a familiar duet by Lea and her brother. I remember this as a graduation song back in primary school when I was little. Lately, I started to be fond of the song again everytime I sing it with bubbles and kuting.

Bubbles and Kuting.
At the start of every morning, we meet up at the c-zone for a morning chat. When we get to our cubicles, for work, we start a “good morning thread” email. This could go on the whole day, especially if one of us is in “kulit” mode. We go back to the c-zone during breaks to tell short “anecdotes” on work issues, boss issues, office issues, family and relationship issues and other stuff. We look forward to our everyday “baon” sandwich and just talk about the people we see on the cafeteria while watching the noon time show on channel 2. Before we go home, we need to end the email chain with a goodbye. Plus a sweet good night text message before going to bed. We have ‘special edition’ Mondays when each will have a turn to tell her story on what happened during the weekend. There are times when we go out for dinner or coffee on weeknights. If one has a new activity, the other two will definitely join (as long as it's not about sports.). If you think of it as a routine, this is the routine that I will never get tired of doing.

For a short span of time, these two people have proved themselves to be “real friends.” We’ve been through a lot already and I could say, we know each very much. Both good and bad sides; mood swings, tantrums, happy moments, sad moments. Most part of me, my feelings and thoughts, I share with them.

In their own little ways, they make me feel special. Loved. Bubbles would know if I had a rough night when she sees me in the morning. From afar, she would know, without me, saying or doing anything. She would then ask if I’m okay. (And yes, she won’t stop until I tell the whole story.) On the other hand, Kuting will not leave me by myself if she knows I don’t want to be left alone. She will give me this pity-kitten-eyes so that I will agree that she accompany me to any place that I’m going. These two people can easily make me smile by a simple gesture or a corny joke. And it gets better when one laughs at something, because it’s really contagious. Not one of us will stop until we are all crying and getting tummy aches.

We need not always say that we’ll be friends forever, we just know. Not time, nor distance could put a stop to our friendship that has been tried and tested.

So, here is the end of the song. Happiness is having these two friends, sharing a sandwich, getting along. Happiness is singing together when the day is through. And happiness is those who sing with you.

I love you bubbles and kuting. Thank you for loving me.


(Thanks to Sir Bong for the very pretty shot.)

10 days to go

Here is a snapshot of the missalette. After much thought and effort on where and how to print it, the answer came down to one of the photocopying shops of UP Shopping center, plus the wits and charms, of me and Kuting combined. We got a good deal. It was frustrating at first, with the paper, the price.. and the colored front page. I didn’t want the butterfly to just be black. Thanks to my “resources,” I was able to print the colored butterfly, for free.

We got all of the entourage gowns last weekend. And mine, last night. For the 6th time, I fitted it and it was perfect. I think.

With everything going into its proper places, with final details on its way, with 10 days to go, I am still hoping and praying that everything on that day will be perfect. That’s too idealistic, alright. But that’s the least that I can do. That’s that least that I can complete, with perfection.

Pink and yellow... and blue.

We found our way to the small, busy streets of Dangwa to meet our florist, one rainy Sunday afternoon. After some test and tries on the flowers, we finally found the right combination. Light yellow gerberas, pink carnations and yellow green button mums. Of course, the roses should be there. And white roses added the contrast to the package. Yes, the ribbon is blue.

Serendipity

I knew what I really wanted but I am not sure if we can find one. To try our luck, we went to this specialty store and found just the girl. But we needed the right partner. Then, we saw the boy. But the saleslady said she couldn’t give it to us because it was paid already and it’s just waiting to be claimed. I was this close to buying a different partner but something inside, stopped me.

So, we said we’ll just come back. A few hours and a couple of strolls after, I felt uneasy not getting them. So, we came back and pleaded the saleslady to let us buy them both. It’s just waiting for us, and nobody else. I even let her use my phone so that she call her co-worker that wasn't there. After some time, some wits, and charms…(and pleas) Yes, we bought them. Serendipity? Or out of mercy? It doesn't matter.

25 days to go.

For the pretty ladies who will play a part on our special day, we made this ourselves. Okay, not get the pearls from the ocean... But anyway, we are very grateful, in advanced.

How he makes up for it

Last night, we met a family relative that we’ve never really gone out with, purposely, for a chat. I was a little nervous at first because of past, not so pleasant, history. As people say, you should expect for the worse. And what I got is the exact opposite.

The better part. He was proud of the “do-it-on-our-own” work of art. Far more than that, out of the blue, he explained the reason behind the church. And this, made my day.

I had a not-so-nice week because of all kinds of stresses that I give to myself. But I have one good reason to smile. Father Mars is right, it is a much, much, much better feeling when you just “stumble on happiness.”

29 days to go!

36 days to go

Okay. Okay. In as much as I didn’t want to post anything here, I can’t help it.
I need to show off our labor-of-love masterpieces and artworks.

Invitations. Thanks to my pretty sisters, tricia and kuting, and their partners. “Belat.” I know! I made you factory workers for a night, but I least you have free KFC dinner.

Tokens.
1 Flower seeds from Bangkok. Thanks to our ever realiable Auntie. 2 Painting of the pots. 3 The tito-vic&joey session to put in the sticker designs. 4 Packaging.
Whew! I don’t’ want to elaborate, just take a look. Oh, I forgot, this has a bigger version. Whose idea is this again?

Here is a site that will be helpful for wedding ideas and needs: http://www.wedding-needs.com/photo.asp.

Coffee and tea

It was 11 years ago since I graduated from high school.
For me, high school is the most fun part of studying. You know a little more than what you knew during primary education, and yet, you know a little less of what you are about to learn when you reach college.

So, life is easy. Problems are small and petty. Going to an “all-girls” school (from a co-ed elementary school), made me see and experience life in a different perspective. One of the main reasons that made it fun and memorable are my high school friends. At teenage years, anything can be fun. Copying during exams, fun classes, sharing one plate for lunch.. (for at least 6 people..) Remembering this makes me giggle. But, just the same, anything can also make you sad. But it will be okay because friends will always be at your side to give you a pat on your shoulder and a hug.

It was 11 years ago. And what’s good is that we are still in touch now (at least those who still care). We see each other from time to time, (over dinner, coffee and tea) to catch up with each other lives. I even made them emcee’s for my “big day.” This night, I look at us, still talking aloud, still laughing at anything.. makes me wonder, we’ve never really outgrown our high school days. It’s still in us. And once in a while, when we go out, it comes out as well. Naturally.
Thanks Cons, Pix and Trish.

Churracos

I had one of the most unforgettable birthdays this year.

For starters, at the stroke of midnight, I had a little cake with a little candle surprise.

During lunch, the two people who weren’t supposed to surprise me, because we’ve talked about “no-more-surprise-birthday-ideas-this-year,” found a way to force me, literally push me, inside a small conference room and there I found a big cake with many candles waiting for me. And even if it was just the three of us, we didn’t want to share the cake with anyone.

Another best part, my bestfriend is here to celebrate my birthday with me. Two birthdays have passed that mommy and daddy were far away. But this time, they are here and I get a real life hug and kiss.

Strangers, in different worlds. I never thought that they would gather in one place, share a table for dinner, and eat-all-they-can churacos. (Not the spirally-twisted fried dough pastry dessert that is dipped with chocolate.)

They had one thing in common. Me. And it is indeed a happy day. My favorite people, joined together.

Broken

Honesty.
That was all I ever asked. That was all I ever wanted.

I gave you that, I told you everything.
Because I do not want to hide anything from you.
Because I want you to accept me for who I was, who I am and who I will be.
Why can’t you give it back?

Promises you gave, promises you broke.
Does it mean you gave your word just to shut me up at that time?
Or you changed your mind because you just can’t do it?

I believed you once and let myself fall again.
I trusted in all the days that we were together.
I hoped in all the nights that you were at my side.
I had faith in what we had.
But once again, you hurt me.
And I don’t know if we can still pull this off, this time.

Thoughts on Friendship

I learned some time ago that I cannot be friends with everybody. From that time on, I chose who I wanted to keep and who I didn’t want to. Why? Because I know I cannot please everyone and I don’t want to try too hard anymore. It’s a good feeling to be with people I call friends, where I can just be myself. I could say or do anything without being cautious that I might be criticized. I know nobody’s perfect, there isn’t a perfect friend as well. But once you know a person is your friend, you'll know each other’s imperfection and accept them. That’s why I choose my friends, and I just hope that those I chose to be friends also choose me.

Mga Paboritong Pinsan

Sanggol pa lang sila, paborito ko na silang i-babysit sa bahay nila sa Palmera. Saksi pa rin ako sa pagkamulat nila sa mundo. Lumipat man sila sa mas malayong bahay at bagama’t nagkikita na lang kami kapag may okasyon, hindi na magbabago: sila pa rin ang mga paborito kong pinsan.

Una ay si Paolo, malambing at maaalalahanin. Pipiliin nya ang pinakamurang laruan at sasabihing, “Ate Eunice, pwede na ba ito?,” para regalo sa kanya sa Pasko. Ngayon, malaki na siya, hindi na ang chubby pinsan na kaboses ni Winnie the Pooh. Binata na sya. Dati tatawag pa sakin yun para itanong kung paano magdrawing sa paint sa computer. Pero ngayon, alam na alam na nyang gamitin ang teknolohiya. Masaya ako dahil hindi naging hadlang ang bihirang pagkikita namin sa pagbabahagi niya ng buhay niya ngayon, pati mga tinatagong sikreto.

Si Pauline, ang magandang ate na sadyang napakabait. Noong bata pa siya, iniintay namin palagi ang Biyernes, dahil sa bahay namin sila matutulog. Pagdating nila, mayroon siyang mga sulat na may drawing na ibibigay sa amin, kahit wala namang okasyon. Tabi-tabi kami sa kutson sa sala at manood ng mga Disney movies at andyan ang mga walang katapusang mga tanong na bakit, saan, paano. Kikay na siya noon pa man, pero bagay na bagay naman sa kanya dahil lumaki namang siyang napakagandang dalaga. Tatlo na ang mas batang kapatid niya at ateng-ate na rin siya. Kanino kaya niya namana ang pagiging mabait na ate?

At si Paulette. Ang manlolokong pinsan. Ibubulong niya sakin na ako ang paborito niya pero huwag ko daw sabihin sa mga kapatid ko, pero pupunta din siya sa mga kapatid ko at ibubulong din iyon. Malamang hindi lang talaga niya gustong aminin kung sino ang paborito niya kasi ayaw niyang masaktan ang isa sa amin. Wala atang panahon na naging chubby siya, dahil weight-conscious na siya bata pa lang. Noong una’y mahiyain. Pero di nagtagal, nagustuhan na rin niya ang pagpunta sa amin dahil nagpupugupit siya ng bangs kay Tita Rose.

Sa pinakahuling pagkikita at pagsasama sama namin, ang sarap balikan ng mga alaala noong sila’y bata pa. Malalaki na sila ngayon at hangad ko ang lahat ng kabutihan para sa bawat isa sa kanila. At sana alam nila na, “Always Ate Eunice” ako para sa kanila, mga paborito kong pinsan.

God-sent

When she was little, she was the sweetest and closest to mommy. She couldn’t sleep without three things: this pillow that she calls “lambot unan”, thumb-sucking and holding mommy’s ears. And she likes turtles. Very much that she would shape the Flat Tops chocolate into a turtle first, before eating it.

As I watched her grow up, she excelled in school, had awards that I never had. Everyday when she goes home she studies at this mint-green, Monoblock roundtable in our yard. She goes through all her lessons for every subject. Yes! She’s that diligent that even if there’s no homework, she will still review what she learned for the day.

One time she told me I was lucky because I was able to spend 21 years with mommy, she only had 16. But I didn’t think so. Mommy loved her very much and worried for her the most and she told us to take care of her and protect her. She struggled when she got into college but managed to finish the course that she took. (it sounded more than one course to me…) And I knew, mommy was looking down at her, smiling, with gladness in her heart. And I was the proudest ate in the whole world.

She was our “bunso.” But it didn’t seem that way, because the decisions that she made, the challenges that she bore, the fights that she won, the responsibilities that she took, were too big and mature for her. They say, the youngest sibling is always the most selfish. But she disproves this theory. She loves without conditions. Her kindheartedness puts her own self aside so that she could give to others. Her goodnaturedness makes her continue to give even though she’s hurting. She forgives even if she’s been stabbed at the back, and she keeps on caring.

An angel in her name, and truly, an angel sent by God. How would you feel when you see an angel injure her wings? Cry and get hurt? I feel helpless, I just ask God to hold her so she won’t fall. And in case she does, we will be here to catch her.

She need not call me "ate." She is my baby sister. Our one and only baby sister. And it's good, because it's forever.

Untitled

In just a few seconds, my life has changed. Does that happen to everyone? That in just a few sentences, your life will change. This day, I found out something impossible, unimaginable and unexpected. And indeed, everything in my life has changed.

Damage has been done. Hearts have been broken. The only thing left to do now is hope. Hope that forgiveness comes before it’s too late.

The One Who Taught Me How To Make Tuna Sandwich

Yes, that is Tita Beth. The first time that I met her was when she went back here to see mommy and take care of her for a few weeks. She only eats tuna sandwich. And Yes! She made us eat tuna sandwich every meal as well. Even though it has been more than twenty years since mommy and Tita Beth last saw each other, their bonding as sisters was still there.

A few years after, I got the chance to see her family. The first time I called her on the phone, I cried after hearing her voice, it was like hearing my mommy’s voice(only with an accent). A month before mommy passed away, she had tubes in her throat and she couldn’t talk since then. I remember her scribbling notes with her doctor-like handwriting. Yes, she couldn’t talk but she would write everything. From “It’s hot” and “I’m hungry” to her mushy “I love you”s and “Take care of your sisters” notes.

Back to Tita Beth, after the phone conversation, I went to their place and I met my two pretty cousins that I’ve never seen in my life. During the overnight stay, I got the chance to know them. Had a peek of their lives a thousand miles away from here. They took me to places I never thought I would go. Told them stories of my life as well.

The experience was fun and indeed, a happy one. I felt I have my two little sisters with me and a mommy. A feeling that I last had a few years ago, since then.

Thank you, Tita Beth. For the memories and for your blessings.

The Magic is Here

To take our minds off the sad part, I woke up and said, “Enchanted Kingdom tayo?” And kitty and bubbles agreed. I really like surprise adventures, trips that don’t need to be planned or set earlier. And with these two girls, anything that sounds fun is a “let’s go.”

Many firsts here, first time for one of us to go here, first time that I decided to combine the company of my friends with him, first time that bubbles and kitty got to know him and be with him. This was also the first time that we will go here, together.

My last memory of the place, which wasn’t so good, was magically replaced with this new one. And we had a great time.

Goodnews or badnews?

After Suzy told me the news that their application finally got approved, I felt happy and sad at the same time, sad. Happy because I know it’s their dream and they’ve been waiting for this for so long.. but sad because I will have another friend who will leave and be thousands of miles away.

I never thought she’d be my friend. She seemed quiet and serious at first. But spending time with her, I realized that she’s one of us: jolly, naughty and funny and a whole lot more. She makes up weird dances and acts, even in front of other people. She’s very workaholic, even shouts work in her dreams. She tells stories complete with actions and facial expressions.

On the other side, she was always there in bad times as well. Unexpectedly, she’ll find time out of her busy schedule to talk to us when there is a conflict. She was the only one who stood up for me at a time where everyone else was scared to talk. Then, after that, once in a while, in simple ways, she will make me feel that she’s just there, still caring.

I admire her, for being who she is. For taking up life’s challenges with a smiling face. And with the next news of having a baby, I felt happy and sad again. Happy because God has given them the angel that they’ve been trying to have for some time now… but sad because… because…

Naaahhhh… I don’t want to mention it here. This is really goodnews, not bad. I’m really happy for my friend and I will surely, surely miss her.

Our Baby Angel Turns 1.

Yes! Iko turned 1 and we celebrated his birthday with a potluck lunch and a swimming party. He got a little scared when we all shouted because he gave a tiny-hand mark on his cake but he forgot all about it once he got into the pool with complete swimming attire, and he doesn't want to get out even though the water was very cold.

This little baby boy is the love of our lives. We have witnessed the nine months that her mommy carried him into her womb with mixed emotions of fear and excitement. Then, he was born and the twelve months that he was with us, he changed our lives. Papa did not care much for Sam anymore, because he has Iko to baby sit and teach different sounds and tricks. He taught mommy Cherub and mommy Mine to be responsible, to look ahead and worry a little, for tomorrow. He taught Lij how to bathe a baby and make a baby fall asleep. He gave me and Dennis a reason to go home every weekend to be with him.

Iko has this “to-die-for” serious look with a matching big-front-teeth-and-tiny-little-face. You won’t stand hearing him cry, and as Papa says, he always tricks one of us to carry him or to get him out of the stroller so that he could crawl around the house. I’ve thought about it, even though he tricks us always, it’s okay because the heartwarming “more-to-die-for” smile with a little dimple on his cheek, is a good payment. Seeing him with that happy face makes us happier.

Is Iko very lucky? That even though his real daddy is with not with him, he has a papa and grandpa in one? He has his real mommy with him, with a bonus mommy Cherub, (and Lij and me and a very long list of mommys) who cares for him? NO… he isn’t lucky. But we are. We are very lucky that God gave us this little angel.

Happy birthday our dear koykoy. Know that we love you very much and we will always be here to protect you from any harm. (I hope you learn how to walk by September.)

The Long Overdue Question

The first time he asked me was a few years back, and I knew we were both, not ready yet.

The second time he asked me, I wasn’t ready.

The third time was when Mommy and Daddy made up the plan and I knew it wasn’t his idea.

Last Friday, inside the car, in the parking lot of a mall, I woke up from the nap I had and he said a few introductions, then he popped the magic question. Due to some “day-before” reasons which I need not elaborate here, I couldn’t not say anything. My hopes and expectations had been too high already and I wasn’t too happy about it. I just started to cry, and told him, I wanted to go home. He went to a battle and his only armor was a few sentences and the ring and unfortunately, he has been defeated.

But defeat, he couldn’t accept. He started the car, I thought he was bringing me home. Then, we passed by the road to the house and he went further, I told him where is he taking me. His only word was “Basta.” Familiar roads, familiar traffic, my stomach was grumbling because my only meal was breakfast and it was already twelve hours ago. I was getting impatient, so I forced myself on a nap again. I woke up, the second time and knew he was lost already. He asked me, “Asan yung ikot?” No, it wasn’t a jeep route but he referred to the Sunken Garden as “ikot”. I told him to make a few turns and park. Why here? What’s in here? He just said, “Tara, lakad tayo.” While walking, he started talking. “I brought you here because this is the place where I first felt something for you.” He reminisced a bit, brought back a few years. As we continued walking, he said that this place was his memory of the first time that we talked about each other’s lives, where I asked him out-of-this-world-questions, and this where he touched my hand, the first time.

Then, with "Oble," the naked statue, as our witness, we stopped and he said he doesn’t know if it’s still right to ask me. Then, I stopped him and said the magic answer. Yes, he put the ring on my finger. And yes, we had dinner afterwards. No “The End” because this is just the beginning. But there will be a happily ever after.

I’ve proven, patience is a virtue. And when what you’re waiting for comes, it will be worth the wait. I've had lots of memories of the Sunken Garden, but this one outweighs it all.

Couldn’t get enough

The five-day stay with them was the best. First night was rainy, but I had the best cream-tomato-sauce-combined shrimp pasta in whole world. Second day, I brought him to places I’ve been during the first time I went there. Still rainy, but we managed to find our way (with Daddy’s ever reliable map), to the IT Mall and to Merlion. We took the boat to Clark Quay, then to Orchard, then to Chinatown. Third day, rain made way for us, so I was able to ride a tandem bike for the first time, along the beach. One hour passed very quickly and I enjoyed the ride. Then we went to my favorite furniture shop in the whole world!

Sunday, I was able to attend a Catholic Mass where a lot of Pinoys were there. Then we headed off to the zoo. This time, we didn’t let the rain get in the way. The butterfly garden was scary because they put birds inside. And with our plastic raincoats, I was able to see the Polar Bears, finally!

Who would have thought I’d survived commuting, riding the bus and train, with the all-purpose Ezlink card. Sleeping as long as I want, waking up to cook breakfast, sitting on the dining table and having dinner, having mommy make me hot tea. Best part was seeing mommy and daddy and spending time with them. The airfare was worth it.

Now that I’m back, I wish I could stay longer, or forever maybe. I just couldn’t get enough of it.

Paglisan

Halos tatlong taon ako sa bahay na ito. Naaalala ko pa nang pilitin ako ng bestfriend ko na sumama sa kanya mag-apartment. Matagal ko nang gustong magkaroon ng sariling kwarto, at para masubukan kong mabuhay na mag-isa, sumama ako sa kanya. Pero hindi naman talaga ako naging mag-isa. Dahil sa paglipat ko sa BR, nakita ko na pwede ka palang magkaroon ng kapatid kahit na hindi mo kadugo. At napatunayan kong ang mga totoong magkakaibigan ay hindi talaga nag-aaway sa kahit anong aspeto, dahil lahat ay nadadaan sa lambing at maayos na usapan.

Bawat sulok ng BR ay mayroong alaala. Ang unang sala na hindi lamang lalagyan ng mga sapatos kundi naging isang ”Welcome Home” pambungad sa akin. Ang maliit na kwarto at banyo na naging lalagyan ko ng gamit kahit hindi ko naman masyado natutulugan. Sa mga unang buwan, naging saksi ito sa madaming lungkot at sakit ng buhay ko.

Ang kusina at dining table, na nakaranas ng hindi lamang iba’t ibang kainan kundi madaming masasayang bagay. Ang shelf na parang sari-sari store dahil laging puno ng mga de lata at pagkain. Ang blender na gumawa ng mga magic concoctions, at ang "one-cup" coffeemaker. Ang isang shelf na puno ng mga litrato at mga bote na may ibang ibang disenyo ng buhangin mula sa Boracay, litrato ng mga magagandang alaala at mga bote na gawa ng mahahalagang tao.

Ang tunay na sala na may refrigerator. Ref na puro litrato pa din ang pinto, ang pinanggalingan ng mga eksperimentong mga luto, ang ugat ng samahang hindi ka magugutom kahit minsan. Noong una’y may kama ang sala pero naging tirahan ng mga bugoy. May malaking bintana na tanging paraan para makita mo ang magulong mundo sa labas at maisip na ligtas ka na sa loob.

Nang umalis ang bestfriend ko, naging bahagi ng buhay ko ang malaking kwarto at napakagandang banyo na gusto kong palaging malinis. Ang paboritong kutchon ni iko na gustung-gusto nyang gulungan at gapangan. Itong kwartong ito ang nagpatulog sa akin sa mga malalamig na gabi at madalas, kasama ko ito sa mga tuwa at saya ng puso ko.

Masakit sa kalooban kong umalis ngunit kailangan. Sa aking paglisan sa BR, kasama ko ang lahat ng alaala sa loob nito, bawat sulok, bawat kwarto. At kahit na magkakaroon na ako ng bagong apartment, hindi ko makakalimutan ang BR, dahil naging malaking parte ito ng buhay ko.